Currently Listening Sam's Town By The Killers When You Were Young see related

nothing feels better than to air out emotions onto a keyboard.  ive just talked to "the love of my life" and i just dont know what to do.  its just so hard.  fuck yeah im an emo kid.  its like with each day that goes by, my hard becomes more numb.  i feel nothing.  you dont care.  ive been so good to you.  i just dont know.  youre fucking me up but yet, i still want you back.  am i a fool?  why do fools fall in love?  i just dont know what to do.  i put a front on everyday to everyone.  i havent said a word other than "yeah, were fine" or "i email her everyday".  this is my only release.  my head is all over the place.  school, work, alicia.  i dont even know what to call her.  i seriously need a break from all of this shit.

Currently Listening Commit This to Memory By Motion City Soundtrack L.G. Fuad see related

so i guess im making this a habbit again...
have you ever felt like your losing yourself by losing your love?  i dont know if that make sense to you.  but if i does,  you know how i feel.  i try to keep in touch but i dont want to push her away.  i dont want to smother her but i dont want her to forget that i still love her.  am i a fool?  are you going to say "i told you so"?  can you blame me?  am i wrong for not putting pictures of on my phone, desktop, or psp?  maybe its because everytime i look at them my heart quivers.  i dont know what it is but i just cant do it.  the sad part is is that i dont even cry about it anymore.  its like im becoming numb to everything but inside i still yearn for you.  what would you do?  am i just being selfish or psychotic or are my feeling just?  im so confused your confused. 

Currently Listening Beautiful Lie By 30 Seconds to Mars The Kill see related

wow. this is fun.  good thing no one is going to read this.  i need to air out some fucked up feeling thats all compressed inside me.  i havent updated in like 2-3years.  i just need to write shit down. 

so im still with alicia.  at least i think i am.  after 3+ years, were still here (i think).  throught the great and shitty.  if you dont know what has been going on for the past 3 years,  alicia went to study abroad in vina del mar, chile.  so chile is super crazy.  party party, drinkie drinkie.  but im not worried about that.  im going to be straight up.  im fucking scared.  im fucking scared that when she comes home, things arent going to be the same.  shes saying that she wants to travel arround the world and im all for it but i dont know.  i dont even recognize her.  shes changed. i dont even know.  its like im dying, day by day.  its like shes growing further and further away from me with each sunrise.  i really doubt that you people understand how much i love this woman.  i dont think that she understands how much i love her.  all these feelings might seem random, but the trigger of all these emotions is when she told me that she wants to ease off on the lovers part.  how am i supposed to do that.  thats all i do.  this entry probably sounds phycotic but i beleive that my feelings are valid.  i you know me, you cant really tell that im so deperssed.  i try to hide it as best as i can.  but this shit is killing me.  is it fair that she wants to lay low on the lover part for now but when she comes home, she wants to run into my arms?  im fucking scared.  i dont know what to do.  you dont even know how much i love her.  i try to scope other girls out but nothing, NOTHING compares to you.  you your smile.  to your hug.  tou your smell.  to your love.  i dont know what the next 3 months hold in store for us.  i hope you hide youself.  i really hope i can hold up.  i hope i can.  i hope.  i. 

jeremy